I have been back in town for just under a month. Somewhat coincidently, it’s also been a month since I’ve posted anything. This primarily has to do with the total lack of anything positive to say about being back in town, and not even I can sustain an interest in my angsty griping.
I was mildly prepared for something of the culture shock that would happen when I came home, but the harsh economic realities of having no income for 4 months, emotionally bewildering social interactions and frigid temperatures really knocked me on my ass. Despite a baller roommate, who helps alleviate the sadness about having to give up my beloved St. Paul apartment, this has been a tough reintroduction to responsible adulthood.
It’s gotten to the point where nothing bums me out more than the question “How was your trip?”. The answer is “Great! Let’s stop talking about it immediately so I can continue to enjoy the happy memories, and stop comparing my life today to my life a month ago.”
Why get so offended at such a friendly, companionable question? Well, I’ll tell you. Over the years, I have had cultivate a Dr. Jackyll/Mr. Hyde style internal division for my life. Dr. Traveller and Ms. Accountable Adult, if you will. These two sides of my personality are almost irreconcilable, and are practically unrecognizeable to each other.
Accountable Adult’s job is to be just that: accountable. And she does so with just about everyone. Friends, family, bosses. She does the things that Dr. Traveller can’t be bothered with, like earning an income and getting glasses. These are things that someone needs to get done, in order to function on a very basic level. In contrast to this, Dr. Traveller is kind of a selfish jerkwad, but is 1,000% more interesting. AA not only has a job, but gets there on time, and will pick up shifts to help out. She’ll make reasonable plans with her friends, balances checkbooks, makes to do lists and sleeps terribly. Ugh, it’s literally the worst.
Dr. T, on the other hand, does supremely cool stuff like not talk to anyone she knows, sleeps soundly and gets misspelled foot tattoos.
Since everything AA does is so someone else, her alter ego can enjoy the fruits of her labor, she is always just tinsy bit cranky at everything. That might be the insomnia talking. It adds to the misery when all everyone wants to do is talk about the other Corinna, the more interesting version. (Truthfully, can you blame them?) Not only does traveling Corinna get to have all the fun, and relaxed personality qualities, but she can’t even be the one to tell people about it?!
And just like in the story, someday I hope to con some lawyer friend into settling my affairs, while disappearing into my more fickle and anti-social personality type that sleeps well.